The letter, written but never delivered, shall be reborn in time to come.Dear Reader,
I had decided - my life as I had known it thus far would never be the same.
If only I had more courage and less pride, you would have known too.This comes at a time of many changes for me.
I shall write my next chapter in
my book of
my life, and no longer allow situations to dictate its direction. A job for the need of it; a decision for the sake of it - the easy way out.
Too long have I allowed myself to slip into my comfort zone; too long have I allowed myself to take the easy way out. Complacency has led me thus far, and I have languished in this hollow enjoyment for too long. The luxury of comfort has turned against me into a sin:
My desires, not fulfilled;
My wants, nowhere near attained.
I have to make them happen myself. Without the gift of guile and aptitude, I owe it to myself to chisel my monument out with my own effort.
My ideals, neglected;
My motto was forgotten. Honour Love and Respect. Only then can I be true to myself. I have been paid to listen to faceless voices, yet did no such thing to the dearest of faces.
What have I become? What drives me now?
Nothing.
Whoever loves me, knows me for who I am?
Alas. If only you had known, if only I had let you know, perhaps you could have been the one.
Forgive me, this is not a resurrection attempt; this is pen-to-paper of what should have been said and told from a long time ago.
I had learnt, and am still learning, from the mistakes of others, and the experiences of peers. Yet, nothing was done.
And now, I face the path before me. I take it with the pain, and look beyond it. I run with the agony and knowledge of likely damage, but I want to take it. I need to take it. To prove to no one but myself that I can.
I pray I keep the faith so that others may see me in the light, and not in the darkness of a dank, musky tunnel.
One day, I hope you will understand.
Labels: thoughts